Not my first or my last,
but placed perfectly in the middle through Gods great plan.
I want you to know that you do not go un noticed.
I know that there is a chance that one day you will look back and think that maybe because you weren’t as strong willed as your siblings that you didn’t get as much attention.
As your Mama I try to the best of my ability to be equal with all my boys,
God knows I love you all the same.
But I admit that in the flesh I probably don’t always do a good job at showing it.
You were born when big brother was still under two years old,
I hold a lot of guilt because I call that time of my life the
SURVIVAL MODE time.
I had two littles in diapers, we all weren’t sleeping through the night.
I can remember going weeks without even leaving our home.
Feeling SO ALONE.
It’s all a blur.
I dont remember the first time you sat up.
I also can’t picture even your first tooth.
For a long time I would beat myself up over it,
but I see the beauty in the chaos now that you have just turned five and big brother is six.
Because you are my middle child:
You are the best sharer I have raised yet.
You are patient because you had no other choice but to wait your turn.
You are always compared to that big brother of yours,
yet you maintain your resilience and positivity.
There have been so many times that I have to stop myself and remember you and Yanni
aren’t twins and you are an entire year behind him in development,
so that also means you are crazy smart.
What Mama wants you to know more than anything
I see you when you are going with the flow,
not arguing with me over what new fidget you MUST have today.
I see you when your two year old baby brother smacks you upside the head and you do not retaliate.
I see how much you adore your big brother to the point of being left empty handed after he ate his entire cookie and asked for yours. ( even if I never commend you for it )
I see how sometimes the hand me down Toms are too big they give you blisters,
yet you do not complain.
I see how your eyes well up when Daddy reads his Bible to you.
( It makes my heart stop beating for a moment)
I see how your face lights up when I hear your voice over your extremely LOUD brothers.
You are so very special to this family.
When you aren’t here big brother says your name at the end of his sentence because he’s used to always having a best friend beside him in the car.
That pesky two year old baby brother runs around looking for someone to cuddle with at nap time.
I always joke about the fact that you are so easy
that when we are alone together its like I don’t even have a child home.
You were a much needed breath of fresh air after all my first mom struggles and frustrations.
With your big brother I doubted, googled and debated EVERY SINGLE THING I DID AS A NEW MOM,
but you helped me gain confidence in breastfeeding and pretty much every maternal decision I made after you were born.
You made me experienced and laid back.
And even though I can’t exactly pin point what day your first tooth came
and there is sadly no baby book penned by me,
To the my fellow mothers reading this,
do not let the mommy guilt steal another day from you.
There is NO perfection this side of eternity.
I hope you know you are not alone in possibly forgetting if you fed one of your children breakfast. ( yes Mark has skipped meals because he doesn’t speak up to tell me 🙂
I see now more than ever
Gods perfect working in my life even though I have failed so many times.
God orchestrated your birth order
and maybe it did attribute to some of the amazing things that make you,